The Fertility Carousel

Reaching for the brass ring on the fertility carousel (again!). (Because I already caught the brass ring on the infertility carousel and I want to get rid of it!) Two years of trying to conceive, but I finally got baby E. Now we begin going around and around again. Infertility sucks.

Monday, September 25, 2006

the day before testing

Tomorrow morning I go for my blood test. Should I buy a home test kit tonight and get a sneak preview at the answer? I don't think I will - if I was going to do it, this weekend would have been the time to do it. But to take the home test and then go have blood drawn and then have to go to work? Mmmm... no... doesn't sound like a good idea.

I've been pretty calm during this 2ww. Some deep breathing and working very hard at ignoring the "what ifs..." has been working. Although I did let some what ifs overwhelm me last night. I know it has to freak R out. I mean we're just sitting there on the couch reading, and I start getting teary. He asks if my book is sad. I shake my head no because I can't answer outloud. So he holds me while I sniffle on his shirt for a little while. And then I'm ok again. It was just a wave of worry that washed over me - what if it never happens? can I accept that? should we move on to adoption now? is that right for us? what should we do next? should we really take next month off from ttc? but if I do, will the timing work out with our thanksgiving trip?

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