The Fertility Carousel

Reaching for the brass ring on the fertility carousel (again!). (Because I already caught the brass ring on the infertility carousel and I want to get rid of it!) Two years of trying to conceive, but I finally got baby E. Now we begin going around and around again. Infertility sucks.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Welcome to Cycle 27.

Well, so much for the power of proper incentives… Welcome to Cycle 27. Today is Day 1. I think… at least I'm pretty sure... I actually started spotting last Thursday, which would mean that cycle 26 was only 20 days long. But last night my body kicked it into gear and there's not much doubt that the "flow" only began yesterday. So yeah, I'm sure, today is definitely Day 1.

I haven't posted in 2 weeks. I did manage a number of calm days in there. Some small waves of depression lapping at my mind at times, but mostly okay.

The medicine arrived, safe and sound and in a timely manner. Searching out the proper needles was a bit more tricky, apparently they aren't that common and I ended up going to a small pharmacy to find what I needed after striking out at multiple CVSs and Walgreens.

But the calm days are over. I cried for a minute when I realized I had started. Only a little bit from the lack of pregnancy this month (the usual reason I cry), but mostly because I'm scared of all these injections and doctor's visits. Terrified. Panicked.

Anyway, it's back to the doctor's on Friday morning for my baseline bloodwork and ultrasound. First injection is Friday night.

Rob and I had a little talk last night. I guess somewhere along the way, I had started thinking of this as a one time deal. But of course it often isn't a one time deal. People do round after round of injections and IUIs or IVF. We agreed that if this cycle isn't too horrible (i.e., the scary shots aren't too too painful), then we'll do it 3 or 4 times.  I've said that I don't want to do IVF… but I think I'm starting to waver on that.  We've come so far and we've jumped through so many hoops, I guess it's hard to remember why we'd stop now. The decision to not go that far is starting to seem arbitrary, a line in the sand that is becoming blurry.

We'll see.


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