Cycle 26 Day 4

So here I am at the start of a new cycle. I felt like crap on Friday - a huge headache, borderline migraine that wouldn't quit, so I left work and went home early. One four-hour nap later and I felt much better. Still kinda sickly on Saturday, but I was functional enough to go to IKEA in the morning and make fig jam that afternoon (Ok, so there were several hours inbetween spent curled up in bed with a book and feeling like ass, but that's not so bad is it?)

Not feeling too down this month. Not sure why. Despite not feeling too bad during the 2ww, I thought I'd feel bad when I saw the physical evidence. Not so. I've maybe been a little more emotionally needy and have required more cuddling, but Rob's always up for that. :) Perhaps taking the extra steps and going to the RE are helpful emotionally as well - taking control and making progress and all that.

I have an appointment with the RE on Wednesday at 10. That seemed fine when I made the appointment, but now I'm realizing that Wednesday will be Day 6 and that's too late for Clomid and I don't know about other meds. The nurse said the doctor will want to discuss injectibles. I don't know how I feel about that. You go up to 20% chance of having twins. Also, according to one article I read online, "The cost for the injectible drugs is high -- for one cycle, depending on the drug used, retail pricing and amount prescribed, an injectible cycle can cost between $2,000 and $5,000." Since the article listed the cost of Clomid as $30-75, prices which I know are correct from experience, the 2-5k numbers are scary.

Total TTC (TTC=trying to conceive) costs so far:

$850 ultrasound for cysts*
$270 seven months of Clomid
$125 semen analysis
$40 OPK and PG test strips
$275 HSG test**
$150 RE consult
$55 progesterone
$30 bloodtest at RE
$120 extra co-pays for additional trips to gyno ***

Which brings the total to $1,915.

Well, that's a depressing figure already. I tried to estimate low when I didn't know the actual amount. I know I'm missing a few bills from that list. Also, that doesn't include money for two years of pre-natal vitamins, a couple months of going to a therapist, or other prescriptions. It also doesn't include money I didn't earn by taking time off to go to the doctor.

This list goes back to October 2004, so these costs have been somewhat spread out and aren't a huge financial burden to us, but seeing the total does leave me feeling... what? bummed? depressed? Not quite that... the term "financial hazing" seems to fit. In college there were all these extra costs that you never expected and always seemed to fall mostly on freshmen and we called it financial hazing. That's what this feels like. Here I am, already having problems and dealing with reprodcutive issues, and just to pour salt in the wound, there's all these extra expenses. It just adds to the unjustice of it all.

* estimate as it's so long ago I don't remember, I think this was only the hospital cost, not the radiologist or doctor.
** the hospital mixed up the billing, so I haven't received all the bills yet. $275 is what we've paid, I think it will be about $300 more still to come.
*** another estimate, it's hard to remember how many extra trips there have been.