4th of July

Hope everyone had a happy 4th! Ours was pretty low-key, we had some friends over for hot dogs Friday afternoon, but that was about it. We made no attempt to watch fireworks because I wasn't willing to keep E up that late.

Thursday night I had a brainstorm... since it's a 3 day weekend, why not try to do some night weaning and/or get E to sleep in her crib more? Oy. R agreed to try. E woke up around midnight and I went to get her. The idea was to comfort her but not nurse her. She screamed and cried and then quieted down and I thought, hey this isn't so bad. Then she started screaming again. Repeat the cycle 3-4 times. At this point R took E, but as he's picking her up she's grabbing at me like she's drowning and I'm a liferaft. And then I started crying/sobbing/bawling.

I took her back and nursed her.

Total elapsed time: 15 minutes.

I don't think E or I am ready to wean. Or maybe night just isn't the place to start.

I did make a point of having R put E down as much as possible. That usually goes well. He thinks it doesn't go well a lot of the times, but he can usually get her down in a half hour which is good in my book. Especially since there's no screaming involved. Sometimes there's crying, but often it's just fussing or not wanting to sleep. He does a good job.

I think that it'll take a bit longer than "a month or so" to get back to the RE. Unless I plan on trying while nursing. And it may come to that, but not yet.

After Thursday night's fiasco, I'm ok with waiting even if it's another year. And maybe I'm ok with only having E. She'll never be an only, she does have A, her 13yo half-brother... but of course with an age-gap like that (and the fact that he doesn't live with us), she'll be an only in many ways. But maybe that's ok.

Time to re-open the carousel?

Hello again. It's been a while.

E is now 13mo old. Not walking yet, crawling all over the place, and saying new words every day. Seriously, she knows a lot of words. The latest one is sock. Ok, sure, it sounds more like "sahh" but she only says it as she's holding or grabbing at a sock, so I think the meaning is clear.

I always thought that we'd start trying for number 2 once E turned 1. We put money in our flex account for it... but that's as far as I prepared for it. "Prepare?" you ask. Well yes, mental and emotional preparation. Can I handle 2? Will I be destroying E's happy little world by introducing another child? And the big question... do I have to wean her.

Yes, you heard me, wean her. Despite the dismal statistics on nursing in this country, I am nursing my 13mo old. Nursing to sleep at night and for naps and any other time she wants it. And we co-sleep most of the night, so she nurses at night too. Not really sure how many times a night as I'm asleep through most of it. (Although last night she stayed in her crib until 4:30am! So that may be on the way out.)

Anyway, we went to the RE for a consult today. My old RE left the practice and the infertility field, which was very disappointing as I loved her. The main doctor in the practice, who we saw today, is Dr. G. It just seemed like a much bigger practice now - whereas before, Dr. D did all our ultrasounds herself, I don't think this would be the case anymore. I told Dr. G that I was still nursing. He said to let him know when she was weaned and then we could start. Said that prolactin hormone lowers the chances for implantation, so why go through all this when you're still nursing? Didn't seem to be any room for flexibility, but I didn't press the issue. Maybe I should have.

I've done some more research online... I don't see anything to say that it would be harmful for E or #2. But it would be pretty much impossible to know if the nursing interfered if the IUI didn't work. And it's a lot of money. So can I justify spending the money and doing something that might sabotage it? On the other hand, can I take away something that gives my child so much comfort for a "maybe baby"?

I don't know.

Closing the Carousel

Since my infertility journey is now over, at least for now, the fertility carousel is now closed. We do hope for another child... perhaps my body will "work" now that its carried a baby... if not, the carousel may open again next summer.

Life continues at the Krauss House.

More on our hospital stay

Eloise had jaundice, which is why we had to stay a bit longer in the hospital. She was on a phototherapy bed, which has a glowing blue light that the baby lays on. It made her look like a little glow worm. The pediatrician said (on Thursday? Friday? my days have gotten confused)that she just needed to eat as much as possible and stay on the light as long as possible and then we'd probably be able to go home on time. She said that if Eloise's biluribin levels didn't improve that we'd need to start supplementing her with formula, but that we didn't have to do that right away. Well, formula seemed like a better option than keeping her in the hospital longer, so we had the nursery give her some formula - one or two bottles a night. Unfortunately, even that wasn't enough to make her improve faster, so it looked like E would have to stay in the hospital until Sunday while I would be discharged on Saturday! Luckily, my doctor changed my discharge to let me stay with her. Her jaundice still wasn't as good as the doctor wanted it to be on Sunday, but she did let us go home and just had us take Eloise in to the office the next day. we had to keep her in indirect sunlight as much as possible and make sure she ate often, but she was over the jaundice by two weeks.

Eloise's birth story

My daughter is a week old today. Her name is Eloise Jane.

She was 8lb 1oz and 21 inches long at birth. She arrived on May 30th at 38wks 6days gestation.

(Isn't she adorable? This isn't even a great picture of her, but the pictures on the other computer and I'm just too tired to get a better one right now.)

I went in to the hospital on Memorial Day to be induced. On Saturday, the nurse had told me that the induction may take several days because they would need to soften my cervix first. Since she told me this after she spoke with the doctor (not actually my OB, but her partner), I assumed that softening was the doctor's idea, but I'm not sure about that anymore.

When I got to the hospital, got into my gown and had my vitals checked, the nurse said, "now it's time for your IV" - what? I asked her why we had to start it so soon and she looked at me concerned and said because I was here for a pitocin induction so of course I needed an IV now... umm wait a minute, my cervix wasn't "ripe" as of Friday, so the pitocin won't work will it? The two nurses in the room agreed that it worked best on a soft cervix and decided to do an internal exam and then call my doctor. My cervix was "dimpled", but not soft, it was also high and long they said. After a call to the doctor (still the partner, not my OB), she agreed and Cervidil was inserted to start softening my cervix. This meant that I postponed having an IV, although I did have to stay in bed for an hour or two after it was put in. It also meant that I had to be continuously monitered, so even after I could get up, I was only allowed up to use the bathroom. Oh, and just to make things fun, I was only allowed a liquid diet. yum.

I stayed on the Cervidil until about 9pm, and then was allowed to eat solid food at 10pm. My cervix was softer, and I had had contractions for most of the day, but not ones that I could really feel. Unfortunately, the contractions were not regular, and I did not dialate.

On Tuesday my own OB was back, and decided to do a second day of Cervidil. She was hopeful that this might make me go into labor "naturally" (well as natural as it could be at this point, she knew I had hoped for a natural birth and was trying to avoid pitocin). Unfortunately, it did not do anything for me - well, I think my cervix was softer, but not as much progress as had been made the first day. Over both Monday and Tuesday I felt some slight crampiness, but nothing that said "labor" to me. More like slight menstrual cramps that you wouldn't even bother to complain about.

So Wednesday morning at 4am, they started the pitocin at a 4 by 4 dose, which the nurse said was a moderate dose, not the lowest they could do (2x2) nor the highest (6x6). I could feel some cramping, but still not bad, still not as bad as the worst mentrual cramps I've had. However, it did seem to start working immediately and the nurse liked what she saw on the monitor. R and I watched a movie and I dozed off. When the doctor got there (around 9am I think), I was at 2cm and she decided to break my water.

I was really nervous about this. I knew that labor often really kicks in after the membrane is ruptured, but it also means that there's no going back. I was not prepared for how much the breaking would hurt. I also wasn't prepared for how I would feel emotionally. I felt like I had betrayed my baby, like I was kicking her out. I just felt horrible. And I know it's irrational and I knew it then, but I just felt like she wasn't ready to come out and here I was forcing her into the world.

The contractions did get stronger after the water was broken. But after a little while, the pain lessened for me, though the nurse said the contractions were still strong. I was sitting up straight in bed, even leaning forward a little, as this was the most comfortable position for me. This went on for a while. At this point I did have an IV of course and was being monitored, but I could still get up and use the bathroom. My blood pressure kept going up and down, so I couldn't walk around or anything.

The next time I was checked, I think I was at 4cm. I still had no pain medication, but was doing ok - actually I didn't even feel a lot of the contractions. However, at this point my blood pressure was even higher and they said I had to lie down rather than sitting up straight. Oh my God, what a huge difference that made!! The contractions were SO much more painful while laying down, I couldn't believe how much worse it was. I used the lamaze breathing that I had learned, but since I couldn't move around or do anything else I had learned, I didn't see the point in doing without pain medicine. I asked for an epidural and they came quickly and administered it. I'm not sure what time of day it was at this point, but they did another internal after the epidural and I was at 5cm. So I was making progress.

However, I was not making "textbook" progress, which should be about 1cm per hour... I finally got to 7cm around 6:30 that evening. However, at 9pm, I was still at 7cm. And I had maxed out the allowed dosage of pitocin. With my blood pressure still being a huge issue, my OB felt it was time for a c-section.

Eloise was tugged out of me at 9:38pm (they had to struggle a bit to get her out, the poor thing was trying to head towards the proper exit!)

She is beautiful and strong - throughout the whole 3 days she had a good heart rate and wiggled around a lot with no signs of distress.

However, we ended up staying in the hospital for an extra day... but more on that later.

Friday's OB appointment... lots of news

Well on Friday, my blood pressure was 156/84... and there was protein in my urine, so I was sent directly to the hospital for preeclampsia testing. The doctor told me that, depending on the test results, they might be inducing me that afternoon!

I did pretty well at the hospital testing... my blood pressure was down to 116/70 as soon as I got there! But there's still that whole protein thing... they did blood tests too, though I'm not sure what those results were. So I got sent home and put on bedrest. I also got to do a 24 hour urine test which I found rather amusing. See, you collect it all in one big jug that looks like an orange juice jug and then you have to keep it on ice. And somehow the whole idea of a big oj jug full of pee over ice just strikes me as funny.

Anyway, at the end of the 24 hours, I had to take it back to the hospital and do another round of testing - more blood tests, more monitoring, and more blood pressure tests. The blood pressure wasn't as good as the day before, but it wasn't so terrifyingly high either.

However, the doctor decided to induce me anyway.

So I'm going in on Monday for an induction.

Oh my god, the baby is going to be here REALLY REALLY SOON. When they first started talking about induction I was just freaked out and scared. And disappointed that I won't be able to do it naturally. But now I'm getting more and more excited.

The nurse did warn me though that since my cervix isn't soft, it may take a few days to induce labor. What? It can take that long? Good lord. I had no idea.

So the idea of the baby coming made me pretty antsy, and if I could I'd be running around doing all sorts of last minute things, but of course I'm on bedrest now and can't do anything, which is pretty much driving me insane. But the boys have been really good about getting things done for me - they spent the morning cleaning the living room and doing laundry, which made me feel better to know these things were done.

Ultrasound and a quick OB visit

So I had my ultrasound today... everything looks good! Baby is measuring a whopping 7lb13oz according to the radiologist's estimate, though this could be high by 10%. (My OB thinks it's closer to 7lbs right now). Anyway, the radiologist's estimate puts baby in the 90th percentile for weight - or measuring about 2 weeks ahead. (Which I'm guessing is how some people get revised due dates, especially if they got pg on their own, but since we all know exactly when I got pg, it's just a darn big baby.)

Anyway, the baby is still in a good position, head down and everything. S/he was busy sucking on his/her hand and wiggling it's little tush around. We could see the baby practicing it's breathing and the little heart was thumping away (heart rate was 160). Fluid levels and placenta looked good.

At the OB's office, I found that my blood pressure has dropped back to the normal range, so things are looking good there. Haven't gained any weight since Friday. So that was my OB visit for the week. I'm not going back until next Friday - the 25th of May - unless anything changes or feels 'weird'. (which means I get to skip an internal exam since I didn't get one today - woohoo! I didn't mention it after my last appointment, but the internal really sucked. Stay the heck away from my cervix! And for all that I wasn't dialated or effaced or anything.)

I really really need to start calling some pediatricians!

Anniversary and Last Day in the Office

Today is my 4th wedding anniversary. And it was my last day in the office.

I did go in to the office this morning, but I'm at home now. My boss and my coworker took me out to lunch and then kicked me out - carried my stuff to the car and everything (um guys, it's just a laptop, really, I can carry it myself… carried it home earlier this week didn't I?) My office was all packed up so I didn't argue with them (had to literally pack it up as we are moving offices sometime in July).

So I've been home since 2:30, but still working (at least a little). Sitting on the couch with my feet up.

The baby seems to like it - s/he's very squirmy this afternoon. Not kicking so much as rolling around it feels like. Had some hiccups earlier too.

I go to the doctor tomorrow at 10.

We aren't doing anything for our anniversary today, but plan to go the the M.elting Pot tomorrow for dinner - I've never been, but it sounds cool. It's a fondue restaurant.